Thursday, May 26, 2011

Holy Bull Crap

How the thought processes should have gone down...

What happened? They all said it would happen yesterday! The math... the whole deal with the disasters... What happened?

I mean, I sold all my possessions. All of them. My kids... oh no... They won't have anything! I quit my job, severed my connections, I even told my friends that I wouldn't be seeing them until after all this is over... Was he wrong?

He must have been wrong. How could he have been wrong? The math all added up! The whole thing... with heaven as 17... Was he wrong?

Was the bible wrong?

No! That's ridiculous! It's the word of God, written by Him... through men. Fallible men. Men like Harold. What is going on? Why am I thinking like this!?!? Surely this is a test! That's it! A test! Of my faith! After all, it may not be a bad thing. Sure! The world is a pretty neat place. It's like... the second best thing after the rapture, after all! I do like cheeseburgers. Are there cheeseburgers in heaven? Didn't Jimmy Buffet sing a song like that?

What am I doing!? This is ridiculous! The rapture didn't happen... This is the worst day of my life! Now all I have is this awful universe! What a horrible thing!

Wait. I just said that the universe wasn't enough. What kind of person does that?

Someone who has been fooled into wanting more than the universe can offer.

I've been fooled.

I've been fooled by that ancient, persistently wrong false prophet. What the hell? What else was wrong about what he said?

He said he was actually interpreting the bible correctly. I've read the bible. I've looked at what he showed me. It made sense at the time.

Maybe the bible was wrong.

Could that be? Should I have put all my faith in one person... in one book?

Where is that book... I'm gonna read it again... I wanna read it for myself...

How the thought process actually went down...



NAW, DOOD! S'ALL GOOD! WE ALL GONNA DIE SOON! DON WORRY, MR. NON-BELEEVER! I GOT THIS! U TOTALLY NOT GONNA SERVIVE THE NECKS TIME!!!

And I'm all...


And they're all...


And I'm all...


And they're all...

BELEEVE WIT ME BRO!!!

And I'm all...

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!? YOU WANT THE WORLD TO END! YOU WANT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD TO DIE!!!!

And they're all...

Mmmmm... Me gusta apocalypse...

And I'm finally all...


Song of teh post: Sonny's Burning, by The Birthday Party
New day of teh dead of teh post: October, 21, 2011

Monday, May 9, 2011

Tomorrow is International Monty Python day...

And I shall celebrate the best way I know how... I will post my 3 favorite Monty Python sketches. Now, some like Python for the absurdity (I know I do) and some like it for the absurdity (I'm not really one of them). But I like it because it's subversive. Subversive in the true meaning of the word... Subversion (be-eng toe-tah-lee ah-sum): a systematic attempt to overthrow or undermine a system of belief or political system by persons working secretly from within. What Python did wasn't just reorganize what comedy could be, they created a paradigm shift away from the norm and towards something bigger than the premise/punchline joke, while poking fun at the established system. I know, I probably put too much on it... But WTF? I've been drinking. I took my last final this morning and I'm already a few Modelo Especials into the evening... Here are my favorite sketches, the ones that puncture the pomposity of the people who presume to be perfect... Ah am soooo good at the alliterations...

Anyway, these aren't my only favorites, just the ones that make me hopeful for human kind...

Brian's followers... just don't get it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ym-k5viJ7tA
This is what religion is like... If you don't agree, look to your own religion and follow the traces of the splits and reformations and awakenings and whatever. If you don't understand that people worship religion far more often than they worship their god... Then watch that clip until you get it.

Those were the days...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo
If you get this, you either despise the mentality or agree with the sentiment. Being gray around the temples and upset about the youth of today... Well, here's a quote...
"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for
authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place
of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their
households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They
contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties
at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers."

That was attributed to Socrates by Plato. And our species is still around...
Hmm... I wonder if its just BS, this "kids today" thing...


The Birth of the Libertarian Movement...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExWfh6sGyso

I really don't think I need to say another fucking word...

Song of teh post: Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
Sketch I want played at my funeral of the post:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWWg5shNWR4