Man... That was weird...

Ok, so I was hanging out with my girlfriend at her apartment last weekend. She was at work, and I was just watching some roller derby DVDs, waiting for her to come home so we could hang out with the rest of the young, hip and trendy. I should have known something was wrong earlier in the day when I noticed that my eyes were glowing red, but I put that down to a natural symptom of living in Kentucky.


When all of a sudden I thought... "Man, I could sure use a drink. I wonder if she has any beer in her fridge." I'm not an alcoholic, by the way. It WAS Saturday night. So shut up.


So I sauntered jauntily over to the ice box to see if she had anything of the fizzy boozy type.


Alas...


So I did what any of us would have done...



All of a sudden, I got this funny feeling. I thought to myself "Self, what exactly do they make this stuff out of?" I then tried to say something but my lip went numb.


It started to get really hot and I began to sweat... but this wasn't any normal sweat...



It started to spread...


Of course, I am a scientist, so after the initial shock wore off, I decided to study this strange phenomenon. I was slightly disturbed that this strange sweat covered almost my entire face, but I wanted to let things happen...


I was NOT prepared for my hair to turn silver and grow at an alarming rate, however.


I ran to the bathroom to see what exactly was going on. My teeth started to rot... That was disconcerting...


However, after a strange growth developed on my face where the sweat wasn't, and after grabbing a top hat, I realized that I actually liked this new look. This may have been the disease talking, I'll admit.


I looked in the mirror and tried to say "You know what, I don't really mind this new look! I think I'll go out on the town tonight and show it off." What came out was "Cor, blimey! I'm lookin' like a wall street plonker! I'm gonna go to the nuclear sub and give everyone a butchers." I had turned cockney. I had turned into...

The Hitcher.

Just then my girlfriend came home. I gave her a sip of the beer, hoping she would turn into a wintergreen nightmare like me. She turned into Daria.

I had no problem with this.

So we spent a night on the town! Went to a piano bar where it was 80's night, and all the Journey and Foreigner instantly made me want to kill. I strolled up to the bar and said "Pint of the black stuff, landlord." He poured me a Guinness. Then I jabbed him in the gums with a screwdriver. This pleased me.


Daria was not impressed. She was, however, hot, so I didn't mind.


Then I decided to be all creepy in an alley. I did this purely for my own amusement. That and the murdering.


We strolled up to another bar and I sat down for a drink. Someone passed me something called a furry belly button or something. I wasn't sure about it, but hey... free drink.


I took a sip and things began to get all fuzzy... for me AND the camera, apparently...


The next thing I remember I woke up. All was back to normal. I wasn't green, I had a ripping hangover, but I was my normal, pink self again... Until I rolled over and saw who I had ended up going home with...


The moral of the story... NEVER drink Keystone Ice.

Song of teh post: Eels, by The Mighty Boosh Feat. The Hitcher
Awesomeness of teh post: Someone recognized my character and asked to take their picture with me! I stabbed him with a frozen eel.