Ok, here's the deal. I'm sitting beside the lovely, talented, amazing, and beautifully excellent Ashley and she's chastising me for not updating my blog. She said that she'd love me more if I updated more often (or at least it'll be like "extra credit"). This is not a guarantee, mind you... just a suggestion...
Anyway... She's gonna give me topics until she's bored and I will write a haiku about them one at a time. I will time myself, as well. No animals will be harmed in the making of this absurdity, although some cats will be offended...
Ok, it's currently 8:14... GO!
Topic: Liederhosen
Oh, odd German pant
Your suspenders call to me...
I'm glad I'm Swedish.
Topic: Ahnold
The Terminator...
Let me be the first to say
WAAAUGH AAAAUAAAGGGH GAAAUU to you.
That was totally not cheating, by the way.
Topic: Aliens
Big, almond-eyed freaks
with your lanky bodies... Still...
I would so tap that.
Topic: Swamp loggers
Swamp loggers, you and
Ice road truckers have made a
good channel go bad.
Topic: Ernest Hemmingway
The Old Man, The Sea
I mourn your loss constantly
I drink a lot, too.
Topic: Pimento cheese
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?
SERIOUSLY! WHAT IS THAT?
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?
Topic: Mud butt
I would do this one
but I'm more worried about
my girlfriend's brain meats.
But seriously...
Get it? Butt seriously!
I said butt... heh heh...
Topic: Daniel Glorioso
They say they've no souls
But I beg to differ, here.
This guy is hell bound.
Topic: 80's hair metal
Shout at the devil
or at least the hairdresser
that gave you that cut.
Topic: Fluffing
You know what this is.
Guess where I met my girlfriend?
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Topic: Erectile dysfunction
Leave it to her to
put the "fun" in dysfunction!
I cry bitter tears...
Topic: Batman
Gotham's dark knight has
some unresolved personal
issues to deal with.
He is clearly a
over-compensator with
Christ-like delusions
Topic: Ted Bundy
Could you help me with
these books? They are quite heavy.
What tire iron?
Oh, odd German pant
Your suspenders call to me...
I'm glad I'm Swedish.
Topic: Ahnold
The Terminator...
Let me be the first to say
WAAAUGH AAAAUAAAGGGH GAAAUU to you.
That was totally not cheating, by the way.
Topic: Aliens
Big, almond-eyed freaks
with your lanky bodies... Still...
I would so tap that.
Topic: Swamp loggers
Swamp loggers, you and
Ice road truckers have made a
good channel go bad.
Topic: Ernest Hemmingway
The Old Man, The Sea
I mourn your loss constantly
I drink a lot, too.
Topic: Pimento cheese
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?
SERIOUSLY! WHAT IS THAT?
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?
Topic: Mud butt
I would do this one
but I'm more worried about
my girlfriend's brain meats.
But seriously...
Get it? Butt seriously!
I said butt... heh heh...
Topic: Daniel Glorioso
They say they've no souls
But I beg to differ, here.
This guy is hell bound.
Topic: 80's hair metal
Shout at the devil
or at least the hairdresser
that gave you that cut.
Topic: Fluffing
You know what this is.
Guess where I met my girlfriend?
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Topic: Erectile dysfunction
Leave it to her to
put the "fun" in dysfunction!
I cry bitter tears...
Topic: Batman
Gotham's dark knight has
some unresolved personal
issues to deal with.
He is clearly a
over-compensator with
Christ-like delusions
Topic: Ted Bundy
Could you help me with
these books? They are quite heavy.
What tire iron?
Time: 8:27.
Booyeah.
Song of teh post: The Snoop Dogg song that has the lyric "my sac on your tonsils."
Muse of teh post: My bb!
