Thursday, May 26, 2011

Holy Bull Crap

How the thought processes should have gone down...

What happened? They all said it would happen yesterday! The math... the whole deal with the disasters... What happened?

I mean, I sold all my possessions. All of them. My kids... oh no... They won't have anything! I quit my job, severed my connections, I even told my friends that I wouldn't be seeing them until after all this is over... Was he wrong?

He must have been wrong. How could he have been wrong? The math all added up! The whole thing... with heaven as 17... Was he wrong?

Was the bible wrong?

No! That's ridiculous! It's the word of God, written by Him... through men. Fallible men. Men like Harold. What is going on? Why am I thinking like this!?!? Surely this is a test! That's it! A test! Of my faith! After all, it may not be a bad thing. Sure! The world is a pretty neat place. It's like... the second best thing after the rapture, after all! I do like cheeseburgers. Are there cheeseburgers in heaven? Didn't Jimmy Buffet sing a song like that?

What am I doing!? This is ridiculous! The rapture didn't happen... This is the worst day of my life! Now all I have is this awful universe! What a horrible thing!

Wait. I just said that the universe wasn't enough. What kind of person does that?

Someone who has been fooled into wanting more than the universe can offer.

I've been fooled.

I've been fooled by that ancient, persistently wrong false prophet. What the hell? What else was wrong about what he said?

He said he was actually interpreting the bible correctly. I've read the bible. I've looked at what he showed me. It made sense at the time.

Maybe the bible was wrong.

Could that be? Should I have put all my faith in one person... in one book?

Where is that book... I'm gonna read it again... I wanna read it for myself...

How the thought process actually went down...



NAW, DOOD! S'ALL GOOD! WE ALL GONNA DIE SOON! DON WORRY, MR. NON-BELEEVER! I GOT THIS! U TOTALLY NOT GONNA SERVIVE THE NECKS TIME!!!

And I'm all...


And they're all...


And I'm all...


And they're all...

BELEEVE WIT ME BRO!!!

And I'm all...

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!? YOU WANT THE WORLD TO END! YOU WANT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD TO DIE!!!!

And they're all...

Mmmmm... Me gusta apocalypse...

And I'm finally all...


Song of teh post: Sonny's Burning, by The Birthday Party
New day of teh dead of teh post: October, 21, 2011

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