What a privilege!

Congratulations! You've finally realized that you have privilege! You, as a straight, white male in the "Western" world have been blissfully immune to the things that people who aren't like you, people who are different, people like, I don't know, the rest of the human experience, go through on a regular basis. You've realized that because you're a man, you can't remotely begin to realize how a woman feels when you're walking thirty yards behind her with no ill intentions and she starts to speed up or goes into a better lit area. You've realized you can not begin to imagine the nerves it takes for a gay person (or heaven forbid a trans person!) to trust people enough to come out to them if they're semi-closeted. You realize that when you're pulled over by a cop, you are much more likely to get off with a ticket or warning, whereas if you were black or hispanic you'd have a much higher chance of having your car searched. You know that, all things equal, you're gonna earn more money than anyone doing the exact same job over a lifetime if they're female... or a racial minority... or of a different sexual orientation than you.

Welcome to the real sociopolitical world!

How did this happen? How did you come to realize this? Was it the coworker problem? That does it for a lot of people. Some random rape joke got you thinking, or someone calling someone else a 'fag' when they do something not 'manly?' Did the ability of them to make these jokes with impunity make you feel kinda... wrong? Maybe it was a friend that has realized these things and heard jokes like that and politely removed himself from the conversation. That guy that doesn't think that rape jokes or derogatory language describing everything not straight, white and male are acceptable and actually tries to tell people that these things are not funny, and may actually hurt people... did you call him 'gay' after he left a conversation, or question his masculinity? Hey, it's ok. Because you realized NOW that he may have a point, you feel kinda bad about it. Go back to him and talk to him. He's an enlightened brother, right there.

And what is privilege? You're kinda realizing that it's something that's intangible but has real consequences. It can affect everyone in a negative way... including YOU. How does your own privilege hurt you? Simple. Those things you pointed out to justify how you used to think there is no privilege... Yeah, those. How? That's complex. Lets say that the old chestnut of "Women get custody of children and men get to pay alimony and child support way more often" is one of your old excuses. Ask yourself. What is the reason for this? The reason isn't because the system hates straight white men. It's the attitudes of modern masculinity... the things that you used to think were infallible... that make this happen! Men are the providers. Women are the caretakers. This is basic, entry level modern masculinity in the United States. This attitude may go against you in this situation, but hey... you're making 25% more money in a lifetime! And women not only make less, but they also have to take care of children. This is a logical extension of the masculinity/femininity dichotomy that you used to think was right!

How about "These people just got promoted/accepted into school/this that or the other because they're black!"? Lets take a minute and do some thinking. Take a poor black child who is trying to get into college. This kid has great grades, extracurricular activities, the lot. But the kid can't afford to take the SATs more than once. The kid studies hard, nights, weekends, and gets 1900 on the test! Awesome! Now take the well off white child. Same grades, same activities, but the kid can take the test four times in a year because the parents are paying for it. The best score the white kid gets? 2000. Based on just the scores, the 2000 is the clear choice. No scholarship for the black kid. This is why we have programs that help people from lower incomes, who are usually racial minorities! The black kid needs more financial help than the white kid, but may be naturally a better student BECAUSE that child had to work so hard! By the way, I never mentioned the kid's gender. You thought about male children, didn't you? Yeah, I thought so.

Or maybe "Men get sexually assaulted by women too! It just never gets known about!" Recall... what did you used to call men who turned down sex from any woman, much less complain about having sex when they didn't want to? Yeah... that's part of this masculine thing too. It's got a name, by the way... You're not gonna like it... The name is...

 (zomgNOOOO!!!!)

Sorry. It's true. This boogeyman of a word sends men's rights activists into apoplectic fits, but it's real. This attitude hurts everyone it comes into contact with. Men, women, gay, straight, black, white, hispanic, anything... I know. It seems kind of immense and terrifying.

So what can we do about it?

Well... Lots! Start off by getting involved in your own mind. Stop making rape or minority or gay jokes. Start thinking that they aren't really that funny... because they're not. You're going to have some road blocks. It's natural. Its gonna help when you start listening to what people are saying. Remember... oppression can't be defined by the oppressor, only the oppressed. Listen to complaints, grievances, and angry rants. This isn't tough to get. Stop blaming victims of crimes for the crimes. Be happy when you see programs that help people (even with your greatly appreciated tax dollars). Realize that people can wear what they want when they want and have the right to not be sexually assaulted. And don't worry. Realizing that you have the privilege doesn't mean you're a bad person. You have a bonus in life! It's like playing a new videogame on the easiest setting. The only thing you have to realize is that others don't have it on the same setting. Sometimes people get tougher lots in life. What you can do is realize this, and fight for people who don't have it as privileged as you. Listen, think, and help! Being open to the lives of others is going to make YOU a better, happier person! You're not a bad person for having privilege, you'd be a bad person for not recognizing it!

So go forth! Enjoy life with the knowledge that you're gonna make a difference by merely being a human being with empathy, if not sympathy!

And who knows? Maybe you'll be the guy who walks away from a chauvinistic/racist/queer-bashing conversation and makes another straight white male think about why.

In Defense of a Liberal Worldview (I are Seriose voter, this are Seriose stuf)

There are a few things I feel that I should clear up before the vote tomorrow. (FOR CHRIST'S SAKE ARE WE GONNA HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN!?!?!?) Mainly due to the fact that there are people who value rhetoric over reality, furious to functional, imaginary over intelligent. (SERIOUSLY! THESE FUCKWADS ARE THE ONES THAT GOT US INTO THIS FUCKING MESS!!!!!) If you told the average tea party enthusiast (THEY CALL THEMSELVES TEABAGGERS! TEABAGGERS!!!!!) that most likely their taxes went down under Obama's administration, or that the best way to economically run government isn't to let corporations have more rights than citizens do, but to carefully balance available taxable income with social and political programs, you'd get a firm, yet reasonable debate. (BULLSHIT! THEY CALL ME HITLER!!! COCKBAG, DOUCHEHEAD, SHITBRAINED, GOPHERFUCKING, ASSHAMSTER, DICKSTAIN, BALLRIPPING, HYPOCRITICAL, TOADMOLESTING, MOLESTACHEHAVING, VULVALANCING, KNOW-NOTHING MERCURY ADDICTS!!!!!111ONE!!) I find that informing these wonderful people of some non-revisionist history, some basic science, and some social theory can help them see our side of the picture. (YOU HAVE TO NAIL THEM TO A CHAIR AND STAPLE THEIR EYELIDS TO THEIR FOREHEAD BEFORE THEY EVEN GET THE NEURAL IMPULSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T SHARE THEIR RELIGIOUS/POLITICAL/ANTI-SCIENCE VIEWS EVEN EXISTS IN THEIR FUZZY LITTLE XENOPHOBIC BRAINS!) What follows is some hard, painful truths for these misguided people (DICKS!!!!) and some helpful suggestions for dealing with them. Naturally, most people of a conservative bent aren't as fanatical as these people, and will accept evidence, but there are a few of you (I'M NOT A COYOTE WITH A WITCH FETISH WHO DRINKS HER OWN URINE FROM A BABY'S SKULL. I'M YOU!!!) who need to hear the following...




Evolution: (What you gonna believe? Science or tribal shamans with no hygiene and little reasoning power during their short, miserable lives?)

It happens. It's happening now. It has happened in the past. It will happen in the future. Deal with it. Just because you "don't believe" in it, or that you offhandedly dismiss anyone who does as a "Darwinist" or "Evolutionist," doesn't mean that it isn't FACT. If you bothered to Google "evidence of evolution" you'd be inundated with facts, facts FACTS! It can't get much clearer than "you're wrong". No amount of sticking your fingers in your ears and screaming will stop it.
How to fix this problem...
All you have to do is deny any modern medicine or technology to these science deniers. One round of blood letting and humor testing, complete with leeches and prayer, and you'll see these people running back to science, maybe even learning a thing er three.

The Founding Fathers (I gots a boner for teh flavah of teh slave owners!)

Ok, here's the deal. Imma give you a few quotes, and you tell me if they came from the founding fathers or www.atheists.org members...
"The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason." "Religions are all alike - founded upon fables and mythologies." "History, I believe, furnishes no example of a priest-ridden people maintaining a free civil government." "The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity." "Every new and successful example, therefore, of a perfect separation between the ecclesiastical and civil matters, is of importance; and I have no doubt that every new example will succeed, as every past one has done, in showing that religion and Government will both exist in greater purity the less they are mixed together."

Give up?

They are all from our founding fathers. People like Franklin, Jefferson, Madison, et al, they were convinced that the health of the country was inversely proportional to the association that it has with the church. "But we have god on our money!" "The pledge of allegiance has god in it!" Please. Look up when those things were added and under what circumstances. Then we'll talk. By the way, Darwin is on British money. They consistently outperform the United States in almost every standard of healthy societies. And they're the lousiest performers in all of Western Europe. Makes you think, if you could.
How to fix this problem...
These people want a religion based society rather than a secular government? Tell them to go kick it in Iran or Somalia for a while. Then ask them if they want Jesus with that constitution burger.
Also, just because it isn't in the constitution doesn't mean its against the law. Federal taxation pays for social security, medicare, etc. So unless you're totally off the government tit, don't bite down.

This isn't "your country." (Ahm takin mah countree back frum teh socialist nazi communist atheist muslims whut done runed it!)

We all live here. When we were bitching about Dubya (who was an abomination unto the lord, I know 'cause he told me (the lord, not Dubya)) you told us to love our country or to get out. Now you want to take your country back because we aren't stupid or mean enough to tell you to love it or leave it. Double standard? Surely you jest! (By the way, I'll see your Aqua Buddha and raise you a Swift Boat.) We all live here, get used to it. SO WHAT if you gotta press one for English? SO WHAT if you can't go to a gas pump without seeing a furrin language? SO WHAT that the gay neighbor wants to get married to his boyfriend of twenty years? SO FUCKING WHAT? Abortion is not murder, gay marriage will not lead to your wife leaving you for a truck driving dyke, your taxes aren't the problem. And to pretend that only your type of people deserve to live here is doing a disservice to all the people whose lives have been made better and more fulfilled because of the diversity in our country. In other words, you're a dick, and if there's a hell, I hope it's full of Mexican tormentors.
How to fix this problem...
Take off your Jebus or Mohammad blinders for two minutes, look around you. These are things that take a minimum of thought, so think for a minimum amount of time, and you'll see that we are sharing this country with a huge and diverse group. Not everyone believes what you believe, and nobody wants to make you believe what they believe. Be a dick about your own life, but let others live theirs.

Companies love you! (and that sweet, sweet lifeblood money that your children will undoubtedly fork into their gaping maws when they can afford the necessities in life, like diet Coke and Hummers.)
This should be a 'nuff said argument here. Companies don't love you. They want your money, not just from you using their products, but they don't want to pay taxes on their money. They want to get it all. "But the law of competition is sacrosanct!!" Dammit, no. You know what happens when competition is allowed to fulfill its natural destiny? One entity wins. Think about it. Do you want your children to go to Wal-Mart high, or to have to pay their taxes to Pepsi.gov? Regulation keeps behemoth multinationals from controlling everything!
How to fix this problem...
Apart from not buying from huge meganational corporations, there's not much left to do. The wave of deregulation is a huge and all encompassing one, and apart from a massive shift in our cultural consciousness, we, in the immortal words of Epicurus, are fukt.

And finally...
Liberals, please listen carefully... ('cause if you don't I'm going to beat you with a fetus)
If you know you're right, don't be afraid. These people have no argument that doesn't revolve around mistakes, so point out those mistakes. Be ruthless. Call out bullshit when you hear it. Who cares if they say "liberals can't take a joke" or laugh in your face? When you stand up for your beliefs as they're doing, you're going to get a few swings, maybe a few altercations under your belt, but every time that happens you figure out how to erode their posts a bit. This is a great country, with room for a wide array of opinions and philosophies, but if someone is so insanely, thigh suckingly, arse wideningly stupid that what they're saying doesn't make sense, then call their shit out! "Obama is a Muslim!" "BULLSHIT!" "The left are all nazis!" "COME ON, YOU IDIOT!!!" "Anyone is Hitler!" "OTHER THAN HITLER, NOBODY IS HITLER!"

In other words, tell them to...

GROW THE FUCK UP!!

Sorry. I'm normally pretty full of levity, but this has... irked me.



Song of teh post: We Are 138, by The Misfits
Angry Liberal of teh post: Everyone that understands that Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck aren't the torchbearers of the illumination.

KAFFAH KAFFAH KAFFAH!!!!11!ONE!1!

Have you ever had an enlightenment experience? I have. I'm currently in Louisville, KY, at Sunergo's Coffee having an iced espresso. I know, I know, one must be considered a coffee snob of the highest order when one orders a coffee with more than two syllables and that ends with an "O" vowel sound. It calls into question one's masculinity and makes people who find Waffle House the height of culinary achievement sneer over their four teeth and down their noses on their tiny faces in the center of their giant heads. Well to those people I can only say...


I reached this level of enlightenment by the Haight/Ashbury method: chemically. Sometimes Caffeine can give you just the edge you need to attain true Buddhahood (not the pansy way of sitting in front of a wall and staring at it for hours until your brain decides that it'll give up the goods). This coffee is amazing. Imagine being wrapped in a warm blanket fresh from the dryer on a cold winter day in front of a fire with your face gently buried in soft cushions, your mouth being slowly stuffed full of your favorite chocolate dipped fruit and something wonderful happening to the area between your knees and navel. That's what this coffee does. It steals your mind and makes you happy while being politely firm about the joy you must receive.

I am loathe to be brand loyal, but damn. This is a microroaster in Kentucky and they ship their product anywhere in the world!!!

All those who love coffee and know me will be expecting a shipment of enlightenment soon.

Song of teh post: Coffee House Blues, By Lightnin' Hopkins
Roast of teh post: Tanzanian Peaberry