Monday, May 31, 2010

The gay agenda...

Agenda: a list or outline of things to be considered or done

The gay agenda (according to right-wingers)

3:00 AM
Put down meth pipe, get twenty minutes sleep, have gay sex, take the lord's name in vain.

3:20 AM
Wake up, wipe semen off of hand cuffs, have gay sex.

4:00 AM
Contact the gay mafia, ask how the youngster corruption is doing. Desecrate a picture of Jesus or Newt Gingrich. Have gay sex.

5:00 AM
Hour long devil worship session. Remember to sacrifice 2 republican children today!

6:00 AM
Breakfast, gay sex.

7:00 AM
Prepare outer shell of respectability. Fool people into thinking I'm a good person. Have gay sex.

8:30 AM
Jump in prius, drive to work. Run over kittens and defecate on a church on way to work.

9:00 AM
Pretend to be computer programmer, actually insert pro-gay subliminal messages into unsuspecting professional software. Have gay sex in men's room with compliant homosexual.

12:00 PM
Lunch, work on gay making ray (Should I call it HomoLaser?). Convert co-worker to the dark side of life. Molest something (horse today, I think).

1:00 PM
Pretend to be computer programmer again. This time insert pictures of supple, beautiful penises into professional software. Tempt republicans into considering sweet, sweet male love.

5:00 PM
Contact PFLAG. Ask how the promotion of special rights for gays is going. Make sure the horse-marrying legislation is on the way. Kill a nun. Have gay sex.

6:00 PM
Dinner at George Soros's house. Kieth Olberman and Barack Obama strip for entertainment.

9:00 PM
CLUBBING!!! Gay sex.

2:00 AM
Start fourteen man, drug fueled orgy. Overthrow traditional marriage. Eat a baby.

The gay agenda (according to an actual gay person)

6:00 AM
Wake up.

Run (five miles today!)

Shower, breakfast.

Head to work. Drop off books at library.

Work on project

12:00 PM
Lunch, call mom.

Staff meeting.

Dinner at Tom and Denise's

Drinks with Significant other at local pub


Occam's razor: that the simplest solution is usually the correct one.

Song of teh post: Gay Bar, by Electric Six
Weirded out conservative of teh post: Basically any anti-gay politician caught soliciting sex from men.

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